Twitterive
PROLOGUE
My inspiration for this project is my daughter. She is the strongest person I know, and she is my little miracle. My daughter was born at 32 weeks gestation (approximately 2 months early) and struggled every day to get bigger and stronger. I wanted to share my feelings during our long 4 week and 1 day stay in the NICU. Below are the tweets that I have shared with everyone on Twitter so far about the experience:
My twitterive setting will be the NICU. I want readers to feel like they are going through the experience with me. I will post pictures and give readers a sense of the roller coaster range of emotions a parent experiences when their newborn is in the NICU. My theme will also be based on the emotions parents experience: joy, fear, elation, sadness, hope. My repetend will be my conversations with my daughter. Through the ups and downs I will return to the fact that even though my daughter appeared tiny and fragile, in fact she was the opposite, she was strong, a fighter.
~"From Small beginnings come great things." ~American Proverb
~"From Small beginnings come great things." ~American Proverb
Day One.
Beautiful baby girl, this is the day it all began. It was a bitterly cold January day. My need to nest was overwhelming. Your father and I worked all day and night to complete your nursery. At the end of the day, I was feeling exhausted but instinct told me I shouldn't stop. I put your brothers to bed for the night and headed downstairs to clean your new swing. I bent down to dust and that's when it happened............SWISH!
"What was that?" I thought. Did I spill the cleaner? Could it be that I have lost control of my bladder? You are my third child, anythings possible. I quickly stood and then it happened again......SWISH!
"Oh no, it can't be!" Fear started to consume me. I yelled and I screamed for your Daddy to convince me what I feared the most couldn't be happening. Daddy ran to my side, and his face went pale. It was inevitable, you were soon to arrive, almost two months too soon.
"What was that?" I thought. Did I spill the cleaner? Could it be that I have lost control of my bladder? You are my third child, anythings possible. I quickly stood and then it happened again......SWISH!
"Oh no, it can't be!" Fear started to consume me. I yelled and I screamed for your Daddy to convince me what I feared the most couldn't be happening. Daddy ran to my side, and his face went pale. It was inevitable, you were soon to arrive, almost two months too soon.
Day Three.
My sweet Angel, it's been three days since my water broke. The doctors told me I must stay in the hospital and stay in bed until you decide to arrive. The longer we could keep you inside the healthier you would be. They gave me shots so your lungs would develop quickly. The NICU doctor came in and explained what I should expect with a tiny preemie. I thought she was speaking another language. I thought I was in the middle of a bad dream. I heard words like:
I awoke on Tuesday morning in immense pain. A nurse came to my aide and searched for your heartbeat. "I can't find it," she exclaimed! I panicked! I was alone in the hospital room you see, it was only 7am. Daddy was home with your brothers. I became hysterical until the doctor came and found your heartbeat. She was my hero! The doctor yelled, "There's no time to waste, today will be your daughter's birthday." I called your Daddy and your Grandparents. I can't believe how quickly everyone arrived. I was wheeled into surgery while your extended family waited and prayed in the waiting room.
It felt like the doctors took forever to get you out. They worked quickly and told jokes to try and lighten the mood. I didn't hear any of their jokes, their voices sounded muffled. I just kept waiting to hear you scream. All I wanted was to hear your scream. I was holding your Daddy's hand so tightly and saying to myself, "Please scream, please scream." I knew if you came out screaming you would be ok. A scream meant you were able to breathe on your own. The doctor looked at me and said, "Brace yourself, your daughter is almost here." That's when I heard the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. Your scream! It was loud and strong. I was so relieved. NICU doctors were rushing to your side to make sure you were healthy. The doctor told me you looked good, small but good. Daddy also rushed to your side, and never left. He would come and give me updates. "She's small," he said, "but she's beautiful and the doctors said she's breathing great for her age."
After what felt like hours, the NICU nurse walked her over to me and said, "You can see her and hold her, but it must be quick, we need to get her to the NICU." I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you. You were so beautiful. I kissed you and told you how much I love you and then they took you away. Daddy went with you and I was alone in the operating room. I wanted to be with you so badly, I wanted to know what was going on.
After what felt like hours, the NICU nurse walked her over to me and said, "You can see her and hold her, but it must be quick, we need to get her to the NICU." I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw you. You were so beautiful. I kissed you and told you how much I love you and then they took you away. Daddy went with you and I was alone in the operating room. I wanted to be with you so badly, I wanted to know what was going on.
I sat in recovery for over an hour. Your Daddy came in and out to give me updates on how you were doing. I was so mad. I wanted to be with you not stuck in a recovery room all by myself. They wouldn't let anyone in to see me and not one doctor or nurse came in to tell me how you were doing. Your Daddy told me they were concerned with how little you were. You weighed in at only:
The doctors told Daddy that the average baby born at 32 weeks weighs between four and a half and five pounds. You were smaller than the average. My whole pregnancy we knew you were trending on the small side. The doctors stressed to your Daddy how important it will be to get your weight up, especially since most newborns in the NICU lose a significant amount of weight before putting more weight on. Daddy also told me that they were going to wheel me in to see you soon. Your Daddy told me to be prepared. You were now on oxygen and inside an incubator. Tubes and wires were everywhere. Daddy sat with me and held my hand until the nurse finally arrived to bring me to your side.
"A person's a person, no matter how small." ~ Dr. Suess
FINALLY!!! I get to see your beautiful little face again! The nurses told me you were doing as well as could be expected. You could not keep your body temperature up on your own so you had to be incubated. I was only allowed to hold you very briefly. You were having a very difficult time breathing on your own so you had to wear a nasal cannula. The nurses rushed me out. They said I had to go up to my room because I just had major surgery and needed to recover. This made me so angry. I didn't want to go to my room, I wanted to stay with you. I needed to make sure you were ok. They would not allow it, within ten minutes I was back in my room and they said they would take me back down to see you tonight. My room was filled with your loved ones, all your Grand parents, Great Grandparents, Aunts, and Uncles. They were told they were not allowed to see you until you came home. It was flu season you see, and there were many sick babies in the NICU who could not run the risk of getting infected.